Let's start at the beginning...

I am going to start at the beginning in order to give a full understanding before getting to the heart of the issue.

Angelica was born on November 12, 2000. My beautiful little millenium baby. She was as healthy as could be.

I had been on maternity leave for several months and was excited to be returning. She was nursing well and never even needed formula. Fortunately I had a surplus and was able to freeze a lot of milk in anticipation of my return to management (this will be more relevant soon).

I returned to work just before Christmas of 2000. I quickly regained my work/children/marriage balance and life happily moved forward.

Angelica had RSV when she was due for her two month well check so her vaccines were held up until she was healthy enough.

A month later she was once again as healthy as could be. We went in for our well check. She is now three months old. The doctor went over the vaccines she would need. I was not feeling comfortable about them. I cannot figure out why. I tried to delay them but was told that it was not possible and it would be neglect if I didn't have them administered that day. I reluctantly agreed. I still regret that moment and have a lot of negative feelings for allowing myself ot be bullied. I also have no tolerance for doctors that bully their patients.

This was on Friday, February 9, 2001.

February 11, 2001-The day I will never forget

The day started out like any other day. I needed to be at work by 9 am so I woke up early to spend time with the kids and feed the baby well before I had to leave. I liked to nurse the baby as much as possible because she was more content when I did and it helped the milk in the freezer to last longer. I tried to pump at work but it is very hard to do when you are a restaurant manager. There is nowhere private to go and there is little free time in the day.

I remember feeding the baby then playing with her. I was singing her songs and she was laughing and giggling out loud. After she began to get sleepy, I fed her until she went to sleep and I laid her down.

There were no signs or signals of what was to come.

12:30 pm

I am at work. This is our busiest hour because church just let out and we are slammed. All of a sudden I felt the need to call home. I ran to the office and called my husband (he was at home since it was a Sunday). He was surprised I had called because he knew what my weekends were like at work. I asked if he had fed the baby yet and he said he had just warmed her milk but that she was still in bed. I told him to go and check on her. I don't know why I felt so bothered but just to get up there and check her quick.

I went back to work.

Not even a full minute later he called back. I took the call and all he said was "Get home now!"

I only lived three miles away but it was the longest three miles of my life. I more than doubled the speed limit and all I could think was I dared someone to try to pull me over.

I ran into the house and my husband was holding a very limp and barely breathing baby.

She was as white as a ghost and limp. She was also very sweaty. She just kept twitching.

As we waited for the ambulance I asked him if this was how he found her. He said she was soaked so he stripped her down to her diaper and then he became really concerned when she didn't respond.

I could not stop screaming. I was trying not to scare the other children but I was too scared. I had always harbored a huge fear or SIDS and this was like my worst nightmare come true.

When the ambulance arrived, they took one look at her and wasted no time. They loaded us up on the ambulance. They allowed me to hold her the entire way. We were taken to the local hospital. On the way they began to get a history and vitals. The problem was that my precious baby girl really had no vitals. There are no words to describe my anguish.

I just remember that I kept begging them to keep my little girl alive.

Once we arrived at the hospital, they continued to work on her and try to figure out why this all happened. None of the meds were really working. She started to sieze. Very bad seizures. At one point, she projectile vomited. It looked like a scene from a horror movie. It shot across the room and out of every orifice. Her nose, mouth, everything. I had never seen anything like it and neither had anyone in the ER. Around this time her temperature rose very rapidly, well over 105. The ped that was on call promised me they would not give up. They continued to work and push meds until the siezures seemed to be coming under control. Finally, they admitted us to the hospital and we were given a room upstairs. She was still not responsive and had no interest in nursing, she didn't seem aware that I was there.

Suddenly she began seizing worse than before.

This time there was no getting them under control so they arranged for transport to the closest city and a bigger hospital. I did have enough coherency to request a particular hospital because I had issues with the only other choice.

They put us into an ambulance. They had no real choice, I was riding with her. She siezed the entire twenty minutes.

Getting admitted into that hospital began the next chapter in our lives but I am forever thankful that I made sure to go to that facility.

That is all for today. I thank you for reading this much and hope you will check back for the rest.