I just have to start out by saying that exposing myself like this is the hardest thing I think I have had to do in a long time. I am an extremely private person. I am aware that I am opening myself up to a lot of criticism for many of my choices and actions. I hate that the most because that typre of criticism has led me to severely limit my contact with too many others as well as my children. I rarely take them all somewhere unless it is like a family vacation. A trip to the grocery store can become unnerving. The biggest thing is we don't really fit the big family stereotype which draws even more attention.

I just had to get that off my chest because I love my family very much and have done much to protect them. But I get tired of going to the store (like I did today) and having strangers apologize to me for having soooo many kids when I only have three of them with me. Boy, if they even knew that I really had eleven.

Also, Angelica is sick and I hate it because there really is only so much I can do to help her. But I do all that I can. She does have a CNA who comes in M-F to help with her for eight hours since I am out a lot to other doctor appointments.

I think Angelica is finally on the mend because I have been working hard at getting her well. I try to achieve as much as possible as naturally as possible. I think too many meds would actually further weaken her immune system and I think this is why she so rarely gets sick and when she does, she recovers fairly quickly. I had a vaporizr going all day and night to help clear her congestion and it seems to be doing the trick.

Also, Elizabeth was home from school because she was sick. She is immuno compromised so she catches everything. She was homebound from school last year but we are going to battle it out his year. She is in fifth grade so the last year before middle school and she just desperately wants to be normal.

I think sometime soon I will "introduce" everyone to my family. They are all so unique and special in their own way.

Well, when I left off we had just begun our wait on this ridiculous process.....

Well, I guess I should start by saying that my mommy brain won out yesterday so I need to make a correction. Christopher was my eighth child not my ninth. I guess I was having a moment.

I would periodically check in with the attorney but all I would hear is that they have regular status conferences and they will call as soon as something happens. They did say that they hired an expert to review the medical records in order to give an opinion to the court about her her illness and what caused it. The DOJ (Department of Justice) was also having their expert to dispute our expert.

But I thought this was a no fault program.....hmmmmmm...my first indication that this may not be as simple as I was told.

It would be about three years before we had the experts report in hand and it ended up having to go to hearing.

In this process, the Special Master (who is the judge in this program) has two choices after reviewing the experts reports and all other evidence.

They can concede, which means that they aren't going to fight it. They are basically saying that the symptoms seem to follow those on the vaccine injury table and even if they aren't 100% sure the benefit of doubt goes to the plaintiff (that would be us) and it is all done. We all thought this is what would happen in our case because even our doctors agreed (one even submitted a letter for evidence) that it was the vaccines, wihch usually doesn't happen.

The other option is to take the issue to hearing and have all the evidence submitted and allow the attorneys to fight it out.

Once again, I am wondering why the fight? It is a no fault system right?

Well, the Special Master decided it should go to hearing, which we all thought was bogus (that is much nicer than what I usually say) but the control is all in their hands.

As it turns out, the DOJ's attorney and expert were really fighting it. Saying that it wasn't the vaccine that caused the seizures, it was the fever.

Um hello! She didn't have a fever until three days after her vaccine. Even her ped records show that. This still makes me want to SCREAM!!!!

This is not a no fault system!!! They are trying to blamae me and say she was sick when she recieved the vaccines.

NO SHE WASN"T!!

I wanted to say:

Repeat after me: She did not have a fever until after she stopped breathing and started seizing.

Our attorney was very upset. They were just making things up, seemingly, out of thin air. They couldn't dispute that the symptoms were similar to those listed on the vaccine table but they could try to manipulate the facts.

Once again, I think-this is not the way this program is intended to operate. I am sick of how unfairly this program operates but there is nothing you can do, nobody you can complain to, nobody cares! I did try to speak to my representatives at one point but was rather impolitely brushed off.

That is why I am trying to gather more attention first.

Many voices speak more loudly that one.

Well, I am going to go for now. Tomorrow I will pick back up and fill in our family story as well as Angelica's for that time period.

Bye!